A Shocking Sunday Special (Part 1)
(the Happy Sunday supplement of Sin Chew, differently titled on 1/1/2011)
My Preamble:
There is this famous annual Taipei Jin Ma Film Festival and Awards (Jin means golden and Ma means horse) for the Asian film industry. This year, Sin Chew gave the Jing Ma awards to deserving personalities and events in Malaysia for the year ending 2010. This is a clever and humorous play of words and homophones in Mandarin, where “Jing” means “shock” and “Ma” refers to an abbreviation for “Malaysia”. The following is my translated and slightly modified version, with abridged explanations.
Prelude:
Looking back on 2010
That year, as intriguing as ever—politicians took turns to present their shows, lots of dramas and disasters (mostly man-made) continued…..
That year, not sure if we should count lecherous heads, or just scum
That year, should we be thankful for it, or loathe it?
Whatever….day after day of “shocks”, a year did pass us by…
This issue of our supplement now brings to you a record of shocking news in 2010 in the form of Jing Ma (Shock Malaysia) awards:
The most intriguing drama:
“Hero turned Villain”
Giving out the award is Wu Song, the tiger-killing hero in the Chinese classic “Water Margin” 水滸傳, also known as “Outlaws of the Marsh”.
The drama whereby an Orang Asli was first hailed as a hero for killing a “menacing and dangerous” tiger, mind you, bare-handed! We thought he was Wu Song reincarnated in Malaysia Boleh Land. But after all the songs and praises, what a turn of event, this hero was later found to be a tiger poacher! That’s only one of many reasons – both known and unknown -- why our tiger population is dwindling, a sad year for the tiger(s) indeed, in the Year of the Tiger 2010!
Other nominations:
The body of a handicapped girl was found, cut into pieces! This bizarre and grotesque case was closed after “investigation”. Reason: autopsy confirmed that she died of pneumonia! No need to investigate anymore? Intriguing……
Gambling license for the World Cup suddenly transformed into a business approval letter which only means: “we will consider your application for business”….. All the bookies in Malaysia cheered and heaved a big sigh of relief! How intriguing…….
The drama of “My God, the real culprit got away!” by the Selangor State Council Speaker.
The Best Box Office Buster:
“The Social Network”
Giving the award is Mark Zuckerberg
Facebook is the third largest “kingdom” in the world, in terms of population, just behind China and India. The meteoric rise to this honorable status is both amazing and intriguing….. This is the age where dual-nationality is permitted, as Najib is also a FB citizen!
Other nominations:
Youtube, everything can be shown to the rest of the world, including gangsterism in schools, who slept with whom etc. etc. You have youtube, I have youtube, now that all of us are in the tube….. so much pressure!
“1Malaysia” is more popular than KFC
According to Najib, the fame of “1Malaysia” is akin to that of KFC, Milo or Maggi Mee. Now that it’s a brand name, “1MalysiaCakehouse”, “1MalaysiaNasiLemak”, “1MalaysiaTehTarik” etc. etc. are aplenty..….Slogan is HOT, food may not be as good!
Best Actor Award
Lawyer Abdul Razak
Giving out the award is actor Tony Leung of Hong Kong
Abdul Razak, who? Oh, that attorney who represented MACC in the Teo Beng Hock case!
To be the best actor, one must be able to play every role from emperor, to beggar, to scholar, to clown etc. etc. For best effects, one must have the proverbial “7 expressions on one’s face”, must “use both mouth and hands”. For example, try strangling oneself using one’s own hands to act out the most innovative method of suicide. Another example, shoot one’s mouth, unabashedly with no sense of shame, saying things like “I can sit down, but you can’t stand up!” One more example: lose our face to the rest of the world by screaming “… court of inquiry lets the minority overrule the majority!” etc. etc…The best part was when he asked the defense lawyer: “Do you have the experience of jumping down from a tall building?” We will certainly remember his stellar performance for many years to come…..
The most popular actor award
Lim Guan Eng
Giving out the award is the most popular actor from Taiwan, Jerry Yan
Whoa, Lim Guan Eng hogs the newspaper headlines so very often! No one can surpass his popularity. Utusan Melayu loves him, gave him headline status even on the first day of Chinese New Year! Ministers, high level government officials all love to invite him for practicing their debating skills, calling him “communist’, accusing him of frequent travelling to Singapore & Hong Kong, selling national intelligence to other nations, calling him the “most kurang ajar chief minister” etc. etc……Since he is a “Chinese” CM, whether or not he really marginalizes other races, he is the first to be finger-pointed when it comes to getting a scapegoat for issues, real or imagined, such as: state government bans Malay wushu, Penang victimizes Malay hawkers etc. etc….Then there is the celup Lim Guan Eng on the net spewing forth racist slurs and remarks….so much so that as busy as he is as the CM of Penang, he is required to cooperate as a “suspect”, frequently going in and out of the police stations to “help in investigations”!
This head of a state has to endure so much pressure. Maybe that is why when people asked: if you make it to Putrajaya……his spontaneous reply is “I only want Penang, NOT Putrajaya!” Oh, such endearing words to the ears of Penangites, difficult NOT to be popular, eh?
Other nomination:
Karpal Singh
A total of 109 police reports against him in barely more than a year! This highlights his popularity with certain political parties and personnel. Other than being ridiculed for his handicap by that best actor award winner, record shows that from Jan 2009 till April 2010, Karpal was the subject of 109 police reports, filed mainly by UMNO youths. This works out to roughly one report every 4 or 5 days! At this rate, not only the one being reported is worn out; those who make reports, the police, and the wallets of taxpayers must all be drained too! No wonder Karpal’s desperate appeal: Please do not regard making police reports as a game!
To be continued in Parts 2, 3, 4…..
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